Getting Married and Friends

Getting Married and Friends

I can't actually remember which patrol this was, after 15 they all seem to run together. But it was on board one of the original 41 for Freedom, the U.S.S. Von Steuben. It was our first patrol back state side as our home port had changed from Holy Lock to Charming Charleston S.C. sometime in the mid 70's. We had a new non qual AWEPS Ltjg. His name slips my mind, few officers were ever worth remembering, but he hadn't quite caught on to the non fraternization clause of being an officer. This more than likely straightened him out. We pulled into a Florida liberty port on our way back to Charleston where in AWEPS partook heavily of that opportunity. On his return to the ship he let slip that he was engaged to be married once we returned to home port, about two weeks from then. As is a common tradition, a group of us got together to come up with an appropriately unforgettable gift for the soon to be newly weds. Just two days before we pulled in we were still with out an idea. So, pulling from our leadership training back ground we began a brain storming session. Ideas were flying around like flies in August. Then it became clear. We managed to finally all agree and began the scavenger hunt for the required items. Once they were in hand we made preparations and laid the trap. AWEPS was LLMC on maneuvering watch and once the watch was secured we pounced. Someone, I don't know who, grabbed him down he went. Pant's were dropped and out came the Prussian blue. We each scribed our names neatly on his ass and a short congratulatory message. Next a combination lock was CAREFULLY snapped, with the dial facing "aft", over his entire package at the stem. Another person carefully tucked the combination into his pocket, expecting, rightly so, that only his most intimate of friends would likely be invited to attempt to 'crack the safe'. We all quickly disappeared and he recovered as gracefully as one can from such an attack. Late that night while standing below decks watch a phone call came into the control room phone. Low and behold it was the newly wed Mrs. AWEPs. She wasn't calling to thank us for the thoughtful gift either. Madder than a hatter, she proceeded with the full riot act disclosure. "I've been staring at this hemorrhoid for the last five hours trying to unlock this @#$%^&* combination lock and the combination isn't the right one! He won't let me near him with a hack saw or the bolt cutter. I want the C.O.!" "Well wait just a minute here, don't panic yet. The C.O. couldn't afford a gift of this quality, so let's just leave him out of it. What combination are you using? " She read it back and sure as hell, who ever was in charge of writing the combination down had swapped the numbers around a might, just to liven up the program I guess. Once she got the combination and the lock popped off, so did AWEPs, and all was we’ll, the next time we saw him he was not a happy camper and was walking with a slight gimp. And he no longer associated with "the men" as enlisted types are affectionately called by 'the gentlemen'. But I gua-run-tee that is one wedding present they won't forget. Unlike the three toasters.